Now I am driving with Mario Andretti (Jen)but as if he used the break like he was two foot driving. Thank god I am a Narcolept and slept most of the time. You see, we have to get through security before the "show" and I don't even mean shit show. Parked at JFK park and ride (best solution for JFK-Shout out), got to airport, Curb side baggage check, TSA PRE CHECK, and into a restaurant 1 hour before boarding, already sipping a dirty martini.
Lets back track a little, first soda spill while driving and Jen had to change her shirt at the park and ride. Now we are eating our romantic meal, gazing into each other eyes on our way to Paris for the first time, when what to my wondering eye, appears? Steve sprinting past the restaurant in the wrong direction. Jen sprang to her feet and raced after him to learn he had left his phone at security. Where was Jackie? Jen took off and went to gate to get Jackie after she reminded me that she was going to buy a neck pillow because she forgot hers but would NOT spend 25 dollars on one (this comes in later in the story), I cancelled my next beer, paid the check and made it to the gate with 10 min before pre boarding. When I greeted J & S, Jen said, "did you get my neck pillow?" I said, "well no, it was 25.00." I immediately proceeded to the store because I screwed up big time.
On the Plane and I explained my wine ordering rules for my neighbors. Seat Order was (4 middle seats)steve, jackie, john, jen. I explained to jackie that her best chance of survival was to stick close to me if it goes sideways. Jackie then proceeded on an 1.25 hr preparation drill including unloading 18 little Lillian Vernon bags of all different sizes into a backpack, jammed with voodoo dolls, special ointments and keepsakes. After all the pills and set up were done and the Chinese box went back together, she asks me and steve if she can put her legs on ours? WTF is she going to spread eagle on the plane? Jen set up her tent fort and we waited for dinner and drinks. They could not come soon enough I got 5 total wines! (Thank you Steve and Jen). Steve even got a wine from the garbage stewardess. At bed time, I looked over at Jen and said, "aren't you going to use the neck pillow i got?" She replied with an Abby face and I knew I was Fucked! Finally convinced her to use it and just SHUT UP. It was hotter then a Turkish Prison the entire time and I was between my wife who is Pissed at me and Typhoid Mary. I almost took my shirt off and I was only wearing a T SHIRT.
Watched The Arctic, and I don't endorse it at all and I would not even say it was good but that MF had a tough deal. Woke up and made nicey nicey with Jen (We french kissed since we were in France air space). Off plane, through customs, out door and to hotel really quick--Wheelchair is Gold! Bags to room, brush teeth, off to Louvre by Noon. Jen told me she loved her pillow and it had the right texture, color and feel- We are back in louvre.
Tour guide David was AWESOME. We saw and learned about the Louvre in a private almost 4 hour tour with this guy. Jackie and Steve almost touched the Mona Lisa. We learned every back hallway, 2 step elevator in obscure places and back hallways. My favorite was the Les Miserarables Painting and Fruit Faces. I love Greek and Roman but that is not really France art. We saw the first Transgender statue (Hermaphrodite) made in 200 AD. Also, It was nice because "Beem saw the Ween," which is also my second title. Saw the Arch de Triumph, "Eh"--marlo. Drink at a cafe, where we had our second soda spill. I tried to tell the girl in French it was not sugar soda but it did not translate that great. Back to hotel and we are getting daylight savings time and falling back bitches. Probably screws us in the long run. Peace out--Normandy tomorrow.
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