If you have never witnessed Jackie ordering (anything), you are doing yourself a disservice. It is amazing how her mind works and how the whole process works. We are sitting in the bar/lounge like we have done for the last 8 days and each night they serve nuts as an appetizer. Its a nice touch but when Jackie asks for potato chips as an app, the Bulgarian waiter looks bewildered. I have not seen a potato chip since I got to France and Jackie asked as if there was a convenient store behind the bar. I think the best part is when she asks the staff if they are going to miss her after we get off the cruise. Yea, they are going to miss you making them walk 100 yards to get you a lemon for your water! (not so much). Anyway, the love triangle continues to build. I do have to issue a retraction though, apparently Ivan is not from Bulgaria and actually from Romania. Bulgaria is know as the New Jersey of Europe and I apologize for the mistake.
Oxhana knows about the blog and has read it! We still have 2 days of drinking and eating so we have to be careful and that is why I am writing this last blog from teh comfort of the USA.
LOVE TRIANGLE
OXHANA & TYRONE
OXHANA & ME (I used my eye trick on her and it seemed to work)
OXHANA & Some guy in Medieval Village we saw her at
OXHANA & her husband (she is wearing a ring)
IRISH CAR BOMB (Kevin) & Irish Waitress (confirmed actually dating)
ICB & Bridgett Coleman
IRISH WAITRESS & Mr. Wonderful (wishful thinking)
ALI & Some Random Waiter
Bottom line is Irish Car Bomb is coming home with Ali and TY and taking over Kieran's old bedroom.
Today we visited Avion and it was old and beautiful and we saw our first real French Kiss (not sure if you have to say French or if it is just a kiss in France). Anyway, this guy was going for it right in the middle of the square. Then it started to hail and we took refuge in the church and later found out that J & S jumped into a cab with a few other people from the "slow" group and Steve got Richard'd on the cab ride (Screwed and had to pay). All in all cool place and onto the next village where we would arrive at 9:15 PM and have a walk through village at night. I don't remember what it was called but if you have ever seen "The hills have eyes' which is a horror movie framed around the West Virginia mountains, it was a lot like that with a Medieval flare. NO ONE WAS HOME. A few lights flickered, no pedestrians in a village that 3000 people live in at 9 PM on a Saturday Night? Cra, Cra in my opinion. Come to find out there is a nuclear power plant that funds the city. I was glad to get back to boat safely. Every road was a dark and dangerous alley. Back to boat where the AC was perfect, come to find out the heat broke (which I had nothing to do with, I swear). We are now labeled troublemakers by the front office staff when we hand our cards back in and I really do not like the label.
That night while sitting on the bottom deck, telling a very interesting story about boats, Tyrone thought someone spit on him. It brought me back to his bachelor party when his brother John thought someone was making faces at him across a courtyard in Montreal and ran around to the perps hotel room, knocked on the door and almost fought a nice young couple with their 11 year old son (who must have been making faces). Luckily, Ty ran upstairs but could not find the perp. Later I found out it was Alex and Jessee. Jen said it was time to go to bed and seemed about right.
Breakfast was awkward because we had the waiter that got a tongue lashing from Jessee but we managed to eat everything on the table. Off to a day where I found out their are 2 Coliseums built by the Romans (actually, I googled it and their are about 12 in the world). Crazy as I only knew about the one in Rome. We all sat in the coliseum for the talk in order to class, just like in Roman times and of course Tyrone was with the peasants up top so missed most of the info. It was incredible. The town was surrounded by walls and had the coolest housed. Jessee came up with a brilliant plan to photo the doors and make a book called doors of Europe. She was sad when Ali and Ty told her there already was a book called doors of Ireland. That is when Tyrone decided to make a book called, Toilets of Europe. Sounds interesting.
So a guy on the street is selling a "talking dog" for $50.00 and another guy comes up to him and says, "hey, where is the dog?" The seller says,"behind the building, do you want to meet him?" "Of, course, says the potential buyer." They walk around the building and there he is, a talking dog just hanging out. The buyer says, "hey, you can talk?" and the dog responds, "sure I can talk, I have been doing it for years." The dog then proceeds to tell the buyer how he just retired from the CIA and used to infiltrate high end targets and report back information to his superiors for 20 years. The buyer, super impressed, says to the seller, "OK, whats the catch, why are you selling this talking dog so cheap?" The seller says, "because he is a fucking liar, he never worked for the CIA!" --this is the kind of jokes the old people tell us all day long.
Final dinner and it was a dozy. Jessee finished her first bottle of purfume and had to open her new brand new large bottle she carried with her. The glass alone must be 5lbs. Luckily her luggage was only 20 lbs overweight. Once Oxhana read the blog, all the waiters are now doing table tricks and napkin trips trying to show off skills (and obviously get tips). I have been bringing my survey to the dinner table with a pen just so they see it and it seems to be working. I ordered a perfect dirty martini from Mr. Wonderful and it was a 10 out of 10. He asked me if I wanted another one, and I am not going to lie, I did but when I looked over at Jen, my decision was made. You see, if I order 2 Martini's in one night, my top possible score is no longer 10 for behavior, it drops to a maximum of 8 and it was way to early to roll those dice. I will say, nothing more romantic then sitting in a 5 star French restaurant rubbing my girls ribbed, down parka, while I am in a t shirt sweating like a whore in church. Yes, you got it. Heat is fixed. Ali is wearing some Mexican punch or fuzzy blanket and is perfectly fine. Everyone was feeling and having a good time and Steve even got to Third, not the base but 3 large glasses of what appeared to be water but were not. There seems to be a fly that has been with me since Lyon and he likes the sweat on my forehead, a lot. I lost him for a day but he is back now. I figured out my tips and wrote my notes and then the captain (who incidentally looks like the captain of the titanic) came out to tell us all the 'stats' of the week. 180 Passengers and we drank 1507 bottles or red wine. With Ali and Tyrone's spilling, I would round that down to 1500 but it is a record breaking week. They had to refill at the last port. I heard Viking was going to raise their minimum age limit to 55 after our cruise. Anyway, Jen and I through our keys to the lock on the bridge in Paris (love bridge) over board but I set a gps coordinate on my phone so if I need to find it, I can swim through that shit ass muck of a river to look for. Alex and I finished the bottle of Dalmore we started on day one! A big shout out to Alex who secured our dinner table 15 min earlier then everyone else while we were still enjoying cocktails.
To bed, up at 3:30, bus to Marseilles, flight to Paris, Transfer to JFK, home by that day. The plane and bus sounded like what I would imagine the bus that disposed of the people from the black plaque sounded like and I came very close to wearing a mask. Luckily, I got to sit next to Jackie on the way home. MOBILE PASSPORT *** we beat the handicap people out of airport, smart park, home, no traffic. Great trip with great people. I cannot say enough about the staff on the Viking Cruise. They made the trip for me. Food was ok, heat was horrible, sounds in steerage sounded scary but trip was a 9 out of 10. Peace out.
***NOT PROOF READ BY JEN***
