Nothing in the Vagina....

I wasn’t supposed to write about this but it is way too good not to share with my followers.  Anyway, Jen had a minor procedure done that was a removal of a fibroid in the uterine wall.  No worries, it is all right and very normal but that is not the part I want to talk about.  The instructions I was vividly given by the surgeon and entire staff at the recovery room:  NO DOOGS ALLOWED is what I thought I heard but it was more like NOTHING IN THE VAGINA FOR 2 WEEKS which was repeated to me in a stern voice so many times I almost threw up in my mouth.  I wanted to say, who do I look like, Harvey Weinstein, I get it but the only thing that came to my mouth was, what is your definition of nothing? (just kidding).  Anyway, it took a lot of convincing to let me add this to the blog but kind of had to.  (no pictures).

Woke up and got car ready for our annual trip to Winterclove Inn, where we were married 26 years ago for our family New Year’s Eve/Christmas get together.  To my surprise, I opened the door and found a 12 pack of soda (yes, diet vanilla coke zero) completely exploded all over the car and I mean all over.  It took me an hour to clean up and Jen’s  comment was classic, “at least it’s not sugar soda.”   Great start to the final weekend in 2017.  I think next time I am going to put water and soap in the car and see if she can blow that up so she can help in the cleaning of the car.  Put on Wayz and off we went.  I let Jen sleep and drove for almost 2 hours (pretty, pretty, good).  Then we switched and Jen drove the rest of the way although, when I told her a turn was coming up she snapped at me and said, I can hear (but she can’t).  After the second missed turn, I shut up and went to sleep. 

Arrived at The Fernwood for dinner with the family, where Alex and Jessee married in 1997, 20 years ago.  Alex was 20, his “daughter” was 8.  He could not drink at his wedding but me and Ty had a blast.  Besides the fish actually tasting like fish, pretty uneventful and off we went to Winterclove.   We got settled in and did what we do best….drink, talk and hang out and judge.   Little Alex was very aggressive so much that we could not figure out why.  Then it came to me.  He wanted to be mentioned in the blog which he will later for something really funny-Cousins after dark XXX.  More on that later.]

Jackie did her normal Chink, Chink toast which was a little uncomfortable as the entire table next to us was a family of Asians who didn’t get the joke.  See we talk really loud and make a lot of internal jokes that may not go over well with the outsiders.   Great Night and I got an A+.

Breakfast in the AM was usual with the one exception being we were in the Jersey section.   You see, now that we have Kara and Frank and Spez, we get seated in the Jersey section.  Our waitress is awesome and gives it back to us which is needed.   Ty and Ali had their normal cranberry juice for their UTI’s.    Then it happened.  Abby, Bridget and Alex told us they taped a movie the night before they called “Cousins X rated.”  We said, “WTF?” and they looked perplexed.  When we asked what the movie was, they said, we were drinking and jumping on the bed.  When we told Abby what XXX means she decided to name it Cousins After Dark which is even better.  Alex was the filmer and they could not understand what was wrong with their title.   Classic!

Went for a 3 mile hike in the snow with Alex and Jen in search of the lost pond and had to turn around when we realized it was 4 PM and we were hiking for 1 hour (not really-dinner was at 6 and we could not be late).  You see, we eat, talk, eat, talk, drink, dance and repeat when we are at Winterclove, all as a family.  Luckily we made it back and once again after presents I received another A+ for being told to stop drinking and complying. KK and Sara got up at about 11 and we hung for a bit.  Smoked a Cuban with Alex but it was COLD.

New Years Eve.  Woke up and had breakfast.  No walk today as it is -18 with wind-chill so we just ate, talked, intervention, ate, talked, game, drank, eat, dinner, danced.  Our intervention was with Indi and about Kylie’s boyfriend Trey, who apparently is a hockey pro (actually a hickey pro).   Raz put him on BLAST which is a thug word for what I thought was a beat down but apparently just a verbal roast.  Everyone I know is on notice that I am putting them on BLAST.  We all commented and KK ran the intervention.  It was somewhat helpful, I think.  

We then played a cool game that Nikki and Alex memorized all the cards from and had a blast.  Went to smoke my next cigar but it was so cold, we put it out half way.  Had to shower so we can make it to dinner on time.

Oh, my dad fell and fractured his tibia and fibula and hopefully will not need surgery,  this may make my trip to Argentina tough, but I will go visit him next week. 

New Years eve night—more to come.

Nicki came out and looked like she was working if you know what I mean (whore outfit). I made one comment and she changed—I was just kidding but glad Abby didn’t keep that outfit for herself. 

Dinner was great and pre game was fun as usual and we missed the cocktail hour, as usual but we had plenty to drink.  No martini for me as I broke my rule of only drinking 1 8% IPA and had 3 before dinner.  I hope this will not affect my grade at the end of the night.  After dinner, back up to pre-game for the dance party.  Once again, we not only made the party but were the only people at the party for at least 1 hour.  Normally, it is a 7^th grade dance party when we arrive in style.  We all believe we should be paid as motivators by the party planners.   By the end of the night, we had everyone dancing, including JULIAN, STEVE and BRENNA.

CP almost made it upstairs and we found him passed out so close to the top (Alex said he just couldn’t make the Hillary Step).  Normal activity except for the fact that it was 10PM.    See the picture of Jen reenacting the scene.  Sent spez out to find 10 people to do fire ball shots but he could only find 8 so I had to do the extra’s.  Abby let people take a “hit” of babya which shows her condition at the end of the night.  All in all, a good night and even though the Coleman’s had the odds of causing an Irish car bomb, they rallied and had no issues.  I think it was because Liz calmed Kieran the entire time by rubbing his head (unbelievable commitment).  With the bell curve, I got a b+ which was great.

New Years Day-Everyone pretty much got up for breakfast and we made it in the nick of time 9:29.  No buffet this year Megan.  Went over the previous night and everything that happened and I even got to hold Sully but I want one of my own.  Someone said Mom and Jessee cried so it was a normal breakfast.  We all decided that we would stay for Lunch-Surprise.

Upstairs we found out that CP wants to be an actor so we set up a few scenes for him to practice using Nikki as his costar.  I think he should stay with the Navy if you know what I mean. 

Great time as usual, with great people.  Looking forward to next year.  Happy New Year!