Cuba, the last day!

Cuba, the final day!

Relaxing to the large warm hands of a stout, husky, handsome German woman and a hot rock massage is the best way to start the day.  I must have fallen asleep a few times and woke up my self-snorting like a pig.  Anyway, great massage.  I wanted to ask for 30 minutes on my left foot and 30 minutes on my right butt but thought that would be a weird request.   Late breakfast and the usual egg white omelet without the large spoon of lard in the pan and berries.  The food servers are a little stingy with the food and sometimes you have to ask for a second blueberry but something is different today. 

Made a bet with Jen for a 10 min foot massage about the proverb, "squeaky wheel gets the grease (oil)" and we tied.  Both are acceptable.  Ironic we bet for a 10 min. foot massage 5 minutes before we were headed to an actual massage by a pro.  Also, took a picture of the FCB hand made logo one of the police guards gave me when I was wearing my FCB shirt.  He actually hand colored it and had it in his wallet. I wanted to give him money but thought that might not go over good.  

Last night we got “black listed” at the main dining room and they took our room numbers.  Mysteriously, the crew seem to know who we are today.  I might have to make it rain at dinner to ensure my food is “clean.” 

Onto the walk-50 times up and down and we decided to try and not look at the clock because time goes so slow when you do. Unfortunately, there are 20 clocks in the loop and we travel 50 times around so it is hard. 

Finished up just in time for lunch.  Seems like we are going to meals for 2 hours and the time between meals is now less time than the meals themselves.  Still not having dessert for breakfast and not taking the elevators--proud of us for exercising every day.  After lunch it was time for our afternoon siesta but it was freezing on the deck so we covered ourselves with towels to stay warm.  This is good for me because I can put my hand in my pants for my nap and no one knows.  I wish I had a urinal so I could piss without having to get up and maybe the steward would pick up and empty for me but Jen said no. 

They had music on the deck (70’s Billy Joel and Elton) and Jen overheard a lady complaining that the music sucked on this cruise and wanted to lodge a formal complaint on the quality of the background music(not Cuban enough for a Cuban cruise).  Crazy, people still sweat the small stuff, especially after coming from Cuba where the people’s idea of top 20 is a steel drum band they made from the water delivered once every two weeks to their house.  First world problems are all over this boat. 

I did find someone who sleeps with their mouth more wide open than Jen and I took a picture of her from 100 yards away and it is still viewable.  Woke up in time for tea and crumpets (actually caramel in a pie crust) with Mom and Dad while listing the orchestra play the music to the Titanic (ironic because the captain just announced we are in the middle of the ocean between Cuba and Miami and in 7000 feet of water).  The one thing I do know for sure is that if the boat does go down and anyone survives, it will be me and Jen.  Human shields are everywhere on this cruise.  Mom and Dad asked us to another cruise which we would love to go but not to the places they want to go.  Cambodia, Vietnam, India, etc. are way lower on our list but they have been everywhere else already.  When I asked my Dad to go to Ireland or England or even Scotland, he said, “…we were already there…”

Shaver still works!

To the 9^th Dick with my cigar buddies (Dick, Dan, Harry and Bill).  We drank single malt, discussed the tax bill and politics(reminiscing about the good old Tip O'Neill Regan days) and then set off to shower for dinner.  I am going to miss them the most.  The people on this ship are all friendly and I know a ton of them.   They all live in FL 6 months and somewhere else other times but travel extensively.  Last dinner tonight and then the show then the cruise is over.  I have packed and will put my bag out tonight (mom and dad will carry theirs out with them). 

Cant wait to see Abby who is at home and Julian who is done with school tomorrow. 

Tips are automatic which is a good thing for the crew but we are going to extra tip a few.  Vladimir (his real name is Nenad) who the first day, when I asked for a little more coffee, poured a thimble in my cup and said is that enough?  Funny at the time but he did it every time I saw him and even had his fellow crew mates take part.  I am glad the wine steward was not his friend.   By the way, the wine and drink guys are awesome.  Not because they are good people but because they literally wear a gold cup necklace around their necks so you know they are drink people. 

Dinner on time with no issues and got our table for 6/8 with only a few dirty looks.  The wine guy must have been a trainer because he had the full costume of the other wine guys but no drink necklace   My cigar guys taught me a trick which was to order a double martini as they are stingy on the drinks as well.  The wine guy was a little miffed that my dad brought his own bottle with him and could not figure out what to do.  Luckily, we figured it out.  I scored an a+ tonight and solid A for the cruise.  I have decided to give Jen a solid A for her behavior on the cruise as well.  

A shout out to my baby below, Dora and her iconic picture-"smoke em if you got em" from 4 years ago.  I cannot wait to snuggle her and my baby Lupe when I get home tomorrow   Oh, and of course my kids.  

Also, no spills for Jen the entire cruise.  Wow!  

I am taking a break from my blog over the holidays but will re start on my next trip to Argentina in February with Mickey and Nancy-Should be interesting to say the least. 

Santiago De Cuba

I want to thank Diane and Nancy for explaining to me how beautiful and delicate Murano glass is at breakfast.  In their defense they did not know that the day before we left for the cruise, while decorating the house, I accidentally broke and destroyed Jens favorite glass Murano Xmas tree we got while in Italy.  Jen was almost ready to forgive me for this mistake and now I am square one.  I tried like to ignore the conversation but they were so passionate about how nice Moreno glass was.  STRIKE 1

I guess my dad’s rechargeable razor is still working, see he forgot his cord and didn’t realize it would work even if he didn’t have the plug.  He asked me if we could find a cord in Havana and I told him I would look for one but unless it was made out of a coconut there would be no chance.  Luckily its still working. 

After breakfast, we headed down to Dick 6 (how our captain pronounces deck) to go get ready for our walk.  Its great when Uncle Bill tell story because we all get it but everyone around us thinks he is saying DICK.  Guess what, too windy to walk our 60 laps so off to the gym we go and there are no open machines.  I waited while the lady in front of me did here work out at 1.1 mph (1.1 KPH actually) and finally got on machine.  RAN 5 miles—Still got it.  Finished working out and rushed to get ready for excursions at noon.  I left Jen in room to meet my Mom and tell her we were not on the same excursion (STRIKE 2).  They did not wait for us. 

Off to see the Basilica in Copper town Cuba.  It was the nicest structure we have seen so far and then we were treated to the best steel band I have ever seen (actually the only one I have seen in my entire life).  People leave trinkets at the church for good luck and there are a ton of baseballs for good luck.  I wish I brought my Barca shirt to leave for good luck to the team.  Took my picture with a guy wearing a Trump hat (didn’t know if he knew it was a Trump hat but worth the tip for the pic).  I changed all my money for pesos so I could give away to the people here before we left and bought a bunch of cigars but was a little late to bus (1 minute).  STRIKE 3 and now I am screwed for the rest of the night.  We also went to San Juan Hill, where Teddy Roosevelt and the rough riders came to aid Cuba in the early 1900’s.  Then we saw the bay of pigs, where the CIA planned an attack on Cuba and failed. 

The people here are happy with what they have and I only hope the American influence will not change that feeling.  I gave all the rest of my money away and I only wish I had small bills so I could “make it rain” in the square.  Had one guy with one leg ask me for American dollars instead.

Happy Chanukah to my favorite Jews!

Met mom up at the pool deck and she told us a story about how a couple was late to the bus and it held up everyone and how annoyed she was.  Thanks mom, STRIKE 4 or maybe a full count.  I can’t believe how much my mom is like my wife.

Listened to the band play La Bamba one more time and then smoked a cigar with my cigar friends and talked politics with my new friends from Virginia.  We are 30 years apart and both agree on the issues.  Refreshing. 

Dinner at 730 tonight and I am hoping my time away from Jen will work in my favor.  I cannot screw up tonight or it will be a long day

tomorrow.  Tomorrow is a day at the sea.   

Went to dinner and stopped on the way at the classical concert on the way to dinner.  We were told we would have to wait 40 minutes for dinner because they did not have a table for 6.  We saw a table for 8 but had to put Diane on the case to get us the table.  It was fine with me either way as I ordered a Double Dirty Martini so no worries.  My dad followed suit.  Loved hearing stories from my dad about how he came to America.

We ordered dinner and did not close the restaurant.  The crew went to the show and we passed so we could go gambling at the casino (not).  To bed early, ready for our last day at sea.  Maybe a day drink, starting with a massage at 8 am. 

The bird watcher

Up at the crack of my ass for a tour to the national park.   Got a quick bite to eat and into our Chinese Mercedes Mini Van with 8 others and our tour guide, Vladimir.  He was a teacher of English that converted to a tour guide for better pay.  Great guy who pointed out every plant and bird around (come to find out we signed up for a nature trip and thought we were going on a hiking trip).  At our fist stop, we got out and the bird watcher (know it all lady with huge binoculars around her neck) stepped in a huge, fresh warm pile of dog shit and did not even notice.  Maybe she should look down as much as she looks up. 

Saw awesome falls and pools that were 30 degrees and people swim in them to “celebrate” the Cuban way.  We did not swim and even though a bunch of people did swim, we found out they were from Norway.  We fell asleep in the van both ways but had a great time.  The tour guide kept pointing out how beautiful the houses the rich people live in and how nice they were.  I asked him if he was ever in the US and he said he never left the country.  I felt mixed emotions because my house would have been nicer then Fidel Castro’s house here but they do not know any better.  It’s like someone that is not really smart but doesn’t know they are not smart.  Do they live a better life, not knowing? 

Got home and did about 40 laps on the top deck and ran into the bird watcher, who still had a pile of shit on her foot.  Missed Mom, Dad, Bill and Diane today as they went on a different trip.  We are meeting for dinner at 730 but they have an exclusive party we are not invited to before.  Probably a free drink involved.   I almost hosted my own twilight party catered in my room to be exclusive but decided to just write my blog and smoke a Cuban.  Met a couple of fellow smokers and compared notes about cigars while writing.  Nice evening and I will now go down and wake up Jen for dinner. 

Dinner was 3 hours tonight and really great again.  Sprite zero in the can and 12 courses of Italian food.  There were 22 different types of oil and vinegar for the bread.  We had a great time before dinner at our "private" party in our stateroom that no one was invited to except me and Jen.  It was unbelievable.  It was fun being on the other side of a Jen vs. Coddington debate on statues and the confederate flag when I had no skin in the game.  I see how her mind works and why I am usually apologizing at the end of the night but not tonight.  I would say I could get lucky but I have a lot of obstacles to still overcome.  Anyway, we closed the restaurant once again and had a great night.  The crew all told me they were all off the recored for the rest of the cruise but I am a writer and will not allow this.  Tomorrow we land at 12 noon and going on same excursion so we will have a great time.  

Oh, one more thing.  Every time we leave our room, Jen is look out and I steal the chocolate from the carts.  Last night we got caught but tonight we scored heavily with 12 pieces.   Also, they put a towel on our floor each night which I think is for praying but Jen does not agree with me about.  I am going to ask tomorrow.